Is it a sin to be mad at God?

A good number of Christians think it is blasphemous to even consider that question. “How dare you say that?” they ask.

“Don’t you know God is the Creator of the Universe?”

“By His word alone, the whole world was formed, who are you, tiny worm of the earth to even consider being angry at God? He could smite you down!”

Yes I know He is Jehovah, the Lord of Hosts, the Lord most High, the Alpha and Omega, the Great I am that I am… but guess what? He is also our friend! And like all good friendships, we should be honest and able to speak our minds. God doesn’t want us to be terrified of Him, unable to ask Him questions or express ourselves. God wants to help us when we are confused. He wants to give us peace when our hearts are agitated and worried. God wants to be our friend more than anything.

Some years ago I experienced a tragic situation where I was confused and disappointed in God. My dad had been very ill for about two weeks. While he was being treated, my family and I prayed for his healing and asked others to pray for him too. In the mean time, I busied myself with church activities, confident that if for nothing, God would be pleased with how much I sacrificed my time and gifts in His vineyard, and then heal my dad. It was therefore a great shock when that Saturday evening, tired from a whole week of church activities and still in my choir uniform, that I learnt my dad had died. I can never forget the cry that erupted from my heart. It was a cry of shock, pain and bitter disappointment. I just couldn’t understand why God would do this to me.

 

Why would He stand by (idly if I may add) while my father breathed his last breath? Surely He could do something about it, after all He is God. What did He stand to gain from my father’s premature death? My dad was not a religious man; I’d hoped that by healing him, my dad would become more religious. But no, God allowed him to die unsaved and probably headed for Hell. What was going to be my fate? I was in the university and my dad was my sole sponsor,

I felt I had been lied to all these years about a non-existent God. I hated myself for believing in a God who didn’t care. I was bitter and distraught. I remember screaming at and almost cursing a neighbour who tried to console me with words like “God knows”. I told him not to talk to me about God, that there was no God. If there was a God, why did He allow my father to die at a young age of 42, leaving me confused and my future uncertain. My neighbours who knew me as very religious were certain I was in shock and slightly mad when they heard me say those ‘blasphemous’ words.

After hours of crying, I remember thinking maybe I should talk to God, tell Him exactly how I was feeling. But then I thought, I don’t believe in God again, so why bother? Still somehow, I thought it was only fair to inform God formally that I had decided to stop believing in Him because of how He disappointed me. I felt I owed Him that. So off I went to my room, knelt down and just said simply “God I am disappointed in you, and feel truly betrayed.” I told Him that I didn’t want to serve Him anymore because I felt He didn’t exist. As I said those words, I felt or rather thought I heard a quiet voice in my head tell me things were not as grim as they looked. In reply I asked about my father who I was sure had died as a sinner. But that voice in my head told me not to worry about my dad, that he was fine. And also not to worry about being fatherless, that He would be a Father to me.

After that I got up feeling totally different and at peace, I still can't explain how that happened. My neighbours who were hanging around, worried about my sanity, were totally surprised when they saw me emerge from my room with a smile on my face. Minutes later, I was laughing at some jokes that one of them told and even encouraging my mum.

After my dad's death, God showed Himself faithful; He took care of my needs in ways I never expected. I got a scholarship to enable me finish my university education and things just continued to fall into place for me. But imagine if I never expressed myself to God? If I had acted all religious and pretended all was well when it certainly wasn’t. Or what if I had gotten angry and refused to tell Him exactly how I felt, remaining angry and eventually getting involved in all sorts of stupid behaviour as a way of paying God back? I am sure I would have been very bitter and my life would have been a mess.

I have come to realise that when we face trials, unanswered prayers, confusing situations and even tragedies, it is always best to talk to God about it. He wants to know exactly how we feel, and hear our raw emotions. He also wants to speak to us and help us, if we would only let Him. God never promises us that we won’t go through perplexing situations, but one thing He promises us is His abiding Presence when we go through the storms of life and fires of trials. Jesus said “ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27. 
It is this Peace that gives us strength to rejoice even in the midst of fiery trials and unanswered questions.  Like the Prophet Habbakuk, we can then truly say, with peace and courage in our heart"Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labour of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls, Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation."  – Habakkuk 3:17-18 14:27.

May God bless and keep us, amen.

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Image1 courtesy:http://www.answersingenesis.org/assets/images/articles/2007/11/man-anger-god.jpg

Image2 courtesy:http://baby.botherer.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/confused.jpg